“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”– Luke 6:31 NIV
For big givers, this is a lot easier than giving to ourselves. So I have to ask….
Are you able to do for yourself what you do for others?
“Self-love is important to living well. It influences who you pick for a mate, the image you project at work, and how you cope with the problems in your life.”– Psychology Today
Most people don’t really know what self-love is or how to give it to themselves.
I sure didn’t.
We learn how to love ourselves from our parents. How we have been loved and cared for by our parents is how we tend to treat ourselves.
Paying attention to how we treat and internally speak to ourselves, especially in stressful situations, when problems arise, is a good way to see just how loving or hard we are on ourselves.
While I had a loving mom who did a great job of comforting me when I was upset, my mom herself was anxious, and I often found myself comforting her. So, I learned to focus more on taking care of others and had a difficult time taking care of and loving myself for years. This led to over-giving to others in an effort to get my own needs met and feeling drained with chronic fatigue as a result.
Some of my clients had moms who were very loving but also very critical. With love they received criticism. So, when they get upset, they often think critically about what they could have done better and how they should have done something different. This pattern also has a tendency to drain one’s energy and confidence, making any problem way more difficult to solve.
I have also worked with clients who get really upset and blame others for their problem, which leaves them feeling victimized. You literally hand your power to change any situation to the other person if you continue to blame them, even if they are at fault.
So, I ask you to think about:
How do you treat yourself when something goes wrong?
Do you look for comfort outside of yourself, from food maybe?
Would you say what you tell yourself to a little child? Would you judge or blame a little kid for what they did wrong?
Do you find yourself carrying a lot of anger and being focused on the injustices you feel?
What if you were able to focus on nurturing yourself instead?
Check out the video below to see how this might work better and an energy exercise to help soothe any upsetting emotion and help you give love, comfort and confidence to yourself instead.
This helped me overcome chronic anxiety and fatigue as well as attract a loving husband 😉
So much love!