How many times have you sacrificed something you wanted because you were afraid of rocking the boat or disturbing the peace?
While you may have “kept the peace” or more accurately, maintained the status quo in your relationship, I ask you, Did you rock your own boat in the process? How much inner turmoil did you create within yourself that took energy away from your family, your work, or your well-being?
It takes extra emotional energy to do something you really don’t want to do. Guilt is kryptonite to living out your soul’s purpose.
Now, there could be a bigger picture reason why you want to do something, but are not so happy about doing it in the moment. For examply, it’s going to be stressful with your schedule to travel to a wedding, but you want to be there because you don’t want to miss it. In this scenario, it’s important to get clear that you are choosing to go because you want to be there, even though it’s going to be logistically challenging. But, in scenarios where:
- You are clear that you don’t want to do something, and you are only doing it to avoid conflict,
- You are afraid to ask for something you want or need in your relationship, because you think you might annoy or anger the other person
Holding your tongue could be hurting the relationship long term. When you are unable to get your needs met in your relationships, long term, resentment may build up. If this goes on for too long, it may cause the relationship to end.
You owe it to the people in your life to be honest and authentic with them. I learned this from my friend and amazing psychologist, Terri Cole. She helped me see how having the disease to always please kept me from fully receiving the love and appreciation my friends had for me. When I was able to tell my friends how I felt and to ask for what I needed, whether I thought it might upset them or not, it gave them the opportunity to be good friends. It allowed them to give to me, and it deepened our connection. Last year, when I took her Boundary Boot Camp Course, she broke down many different boundary challenges, and we looked together at why it is so tough to be clear with yourself and others about your needs. The biggest fears that came up for people in the class were:
- Fear of Criticism/Judgement
- Fear of Conflict
- Fear of Abandonment
Fear of criticism and conflict are just different degrees of fear of abandonment. In the end, we realized we are afraid to make requests and to set boundaries because we are afraid of losing people in our lives. But, as I stated above, by not speaking up, you are laying the groundwork for an unsatisfying relationship you may choose to leave later because you set up a dynamic that could have been avoided. So, to help you alleviate the fears that could be keeping you from asking for what you want, I have created the Fear Clearing Tapping Exercise below!
I highly recommend you join Terri’s Boundary Boot Camp Challenge to help you see how you could become more self expressed in your life with insights on where you could use better boundaries and feel more self expressed in your life and tips on the language you can use to help you set boundaries and make requests with greater ease and grace!
The tools she shares coupled with this exercise are priceless! It starts today, so sign up by clicking here, ASAP, so you don’t miss it! It’s free! And, to get the most from the exercise below:
- Think about any relationships where you feel unable to ask for what you need.
- With whom do you feel it’s difficult to be honest?
- Is guilt a frequent feeling in any of your relationships?
Now, try this exercise! And, pair it with Terri’s coaching!
I can’t wait to see how this works for you!
Cheers to nurturing both you and your relationships!