This came up during my free LIVE Big Beautiful Coaching Event a few weeks ago.
This is a conversation that is also coming up with many of my clients and in the media with mental health leaders all over the world supporting Simone Biles decision to back out of several Olympic Events to take care of herself.
I wonder how many gymnasts in the past pushed through the “twisties?” (The “twisties” are losing awareness of where your body is in space during a flip sequence.)
Our culture has prided itself and its top athletes for pushing beyond physical obstacles.
But where do we draw the line between what is a healthy drive and self-neglect?
Terri Cole, a licensed psychotherapist and author of Boundary Boss: The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen, and (Finally) Live Free, told E! News in a July 30th email interview that, when Biles pulled out, she thought to herself, “This brave young soul just changed the way the world values and views mental wellness.”
Between “the twisties” and “the mental stress and pressure leading up to the competition,” Cole said, “it all created a “perfect psychological storm to inspire her to courageously choose safety over the outdated idea that premiere athletes should prioritize winning over all other considerations.” Asked about the assumption that the greatest athletes are also the toughest mentally, she replied, “From a psychological perspective, I would say that ‘mental toughness’ without insight is not necessarily a good thing. Simone is displaying mental flexibility and extreme strength to have made the decision to pull out of the Games.”
I wanted to share what I have learned about emotional security and give you the tapping exercise below to help you more easy put yourself first, because this lesson about emotional security was one of the most valuable of my life.
Before Thanksgiving, I was overwhelmed by a foreboding anxiety I couldn’t shake.
My intuition and my gut we’re telling me something wasn’t safe about celebrating the holiday with family, and I ignored the message and did the opposite.
Instead of following this guidance, I disregarded it for fear of hurting other people’s feelings.
I put other people’s feelings before my own emotional security, and my family got Covid.
My baby boy suffered with neurological post viral symptoms as a result.
Now, there were silver linings. I became a more skilled energy worker helping my son through this, and I learned this major life lesson.
I am in charge of giving myself emotional security.
No one else is responsible for my emotional and physical well-being but me.
If I put other’s feelings before my own, I am neglecting my own emotional security.
In this case, it affected the well-being of my entire family.
I made a promise to myself to never do that again.
I am committed to taking the actions to give myself emotional security always.
Committing to assuring yourself emotional security is acknowledging when something doesn’t feel safe, healthy, or in your best interest and taking action to give yourself what you need to feel protected, acknowledged, and valued.
As children we didn’t get to set boundaries around what felt safe and emotionally secure, but as adults, we now do.
You get to choose what feels secure in different situations.
The same way a good mother sets boundaries for her child to help keep them safe and healthy, you can make decisions for your inner self that honor the safety, freedom, and well-being of your body and heart.
If you grew up with parents who were unable, for whatever reason, to help you feel safe and emotionally secure, you didn’t have this modeled for you. In the hope of feeling secure, you may attract situations similar to those from childhood, in an effort to find security in a familiar state that feels like home but doesn’t feel secure.
If you grew up with parents for whom you felt responsible in some way, it’s likely you have the habit of taking care of others in the hope of feeling secure.
As an adult, you get to choose how you want to take care of your inner self.
You get to choose what feels safe.
At Easter, I didn’t make the same mistake. I asked my family if we could have our gathering outdoors because three of the people that were going to be present were getting off a plane the day before.
We wound up having a lovely time together in beautiful weather, and I felt safe, secure, and relaxed being with them.
And I had a HUGE realization!
At Thanksgiving I ignored my gut feelings to keep the peace. What I realized is that there would be anxiety around the event regardless of what I asked for, so I might as well ask for what I needed to feel safe.
So, I invite you to start paying more attention to what feels good and what doesn’t.
If you are doing the opposite of what your gut is telling you to do to avoid someone else’s anxiety or anger, you are denying yourself emotional security.
You are consciously or unconsciously telling your inner self, “Your feelings are unworthy of your own attention.”
In essence you are telling yourself–You don’t matter.
Denying your feelings will ultimately make you want to avoid or leave a relationship in which you don’t feel self-expressed over time, AND it also lowers your own self esteem because you have repetitively made yourself unworthy of your own protection and care.
You don’t deserve this.
Your inner self or child doesn’t deserve to be treated this way.
It’s time to be the mom and dad you wanted and parent yourself in a way that helps you feel safe, free, and loved.
It’s time to give yourself emotional security.
The chakra tapping routine below is designed to help you release old beliefs in conflict with you putting your needs and security first.
If you know anyone who might benefit from this, please share this. ❤️
So much love,