So, I got married!
I got married over the weekend to the man who is nothing I ever expected and everything I always dreamed.
It was really quite amazing, I recently found the list of qualities I had written about the man I wanted to attract to be my husband, and my Joe is EVERYTHING on the list, but he expresses those qualities in ways I never would have expected or imagined.
For example, one of the qualities I wanted in a man was creativity. I was a dancer and grew up around creative people in the art schools I attended, and it was important to me that we both have some sort of creative outlet. Joe is the antithesis of artsy, LOL, but he loves to cook, and luckily for me, he is an amazing chef! He expresses his creativity through his food, and we are both total Foodies, so I am beyond grateful, his talent and joy gets expressed over the dining table! He is, in so many ways, nothing I ever expected and everything I always dreamed.
I am sharing all this because its sometimes tricky to think about what we want in general ways without attachment to a specific expectation.
Thinking about the qualities and the feelings of what we want, while staying open to it coming to us in any way, is key. I always say, I had to change in order to recognize Joe was the one for me. I swear, if I had met him just 4 months before I did, there is a good chance I would have seen one of the qualities I really value in him as a deal breaker.
Joe and I met in November of 2011, and I went to see John of God the healer in August of that same year. I had grown up Catholic, and had rejected the faith for the most common reasons among former Catholics. When I went to John of God’s Casa in Brazil, which is a primarily Catholic country, we recited many familiar Catholic prayers, along with poems, prayer and songs from many different denominations and writers, including John Lennon’s, “Let it be.” I was surprised by the connection I had to the Catholic prayers and songs I had said and sang as a child.
To my complete shock, I found myself bawling while we sang Amazing Grace, as I felt a visceral feeling of love which was more intense then anything I had ever felt. I was touched to full-on tears. Then we sang The St. Francis of Assisi Prayer, which goes:
“Oh Master grant that I may never seek
so much to be consoled as to console,
So much to love as to love with all my soul.”
I never really understood that song or prayer until that day, as I knew if I could continue to download that kind of love, I would always have enough to give to others.
So, months later, Joe and I are dating, and he asks me to mass on Sunday. Pre John of God I wouldn’t have been interested, and I believe that would have been the end of our dating, as Joe’s faith is pinnacle in his life. In church, I found myself touched again by the music of St. Patrick’s amazing choir. It wasn’t to the same intensity, thank God, as I think Joe may have thought me mad, but it was present enough for me to know I needed to go back to get more of this feeling.
We go to church every week together, and it’s an important part of our relationship and my life. Who woulda thunk! And, I can only say it was priceless one night to come home after a really hard day worried about something, and have Joe hug me, and say,”I think this one you can give up to God to handle for now.”
His faith makes us both better people. Joe taking me to church helps me re-fill my cup, so I can give to my family, friends and clients and classes with love and ease. I had the quality, “spiritual” on my list, and I got so much more.
Thank God I was open!
So, please start de-constructing those expectations whenever they come up, so you don’t miss anything amazing!
When you think about what or who you want, think only in broad terms, not specific. Specifics could rob you of a way better outcome then you ever could have imagined.
So go general. Its easy, just think about how you would feel if you were:
- Married, don’t focus on when
- Wealthy, don’t focus on how
- Healthy, don’t focus on when or how
Think about the qualities of the person you want to attract versus his or her looks or specifics about their profile.
Think about qualities of the experience, like wanting to feel a room full of love, verses thinking of who will be there at your wedding.
Keep it general and staying with the feelings verses specifics will leave plenty of room for you to be pleasantly surprised and to exceed your dreams!