How to Free Yourself from Codependency

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Happy Independence Day!

What does independence mean to you? Self-Reliance? Freedom? Liberation?

The emotional pattern of codependency can rob you of your freedom, steal your self-confidence, and make you feel trapped in a matter of minutes.

I witness it a lot in my work with my clients…

Monday morning, one of my clients walked into the business she owns with her partner with the intention of having a great and productive day, then all hell broke loose. 

She was immediately bombarded with 3 serious issues and her partner’s unwillingness to help.

She felt as if the world was against her and she was the only one who cared about the business. 

Two of the three problems were caused by her staff’s oversights. 

In our session, she asked, “Why am I the one that cleans up the messes?!”

My answer to her: Because she is the boss, one of the owners of the company. While she is ultimately responsible, she is also free to run the business as she desires and sees fit. She has the freedom to make choices that impact outcomes. 

As the boss of your own life, you too have the freedom to make choices which support the outcomes you desire, if you own your independence.

Regardless of what others are doing or saying, it is important for the health of you, your relationships, and your business to make choices that support what you desire. 

My client fired this question back, “How can I get the things I want accomplished when no one else is taking responsibility and doing what they should?” 

My answer: “You get really clear on what you want and make requests of people. As the boss, you can also make new policies and procedures.” 

This goes for business as well as personal relationships. 

It will take some effort, and over time, it will be worth it because this is how you train people to act in a way that is more supportive of the health of your relationship. 

Making requests is more effective than blaming.

Even if someone is at fault, continuing to blame is giving your power away. 

Your conversation is about what someone did to you versus what you want to do next to create the outcome you desire.

My client could spend precious energy blaming her partner or employees or begin to think about how to resolve the situation. 

So, we processed my client’s anger and got her to center in her power with the Chakra Capacity Expanding Exercise below, and she immediately was able to make a list of steps to create a solution.

She was the boss again! She took her power back!

You can BE THE CHANGE you want to see happen, even if the problem you are facing isn’t your fault.

My client grew up in a codependent relationship with her mom, and when she is stressed, she has a habit of falling back into this pattern.

Codependency is seductive because for a lot of people, it feels like a familiar way to get your needs met. It can surface in business relationships, friendships, and romantic partnerships.

In friendships and romantic partnerships, codependency can feel like intense love for another, but “needing” that other person often stems from feelings of fear and lack.

Some warning signs that you may be in a codependent relationship or mindset are:

  1. You find yourself frequently blaming others for how you feel.
  2. You have expectations about how others should behave.
  3. You feel as though you can’t live or operate without other people.
  4. You feel you are the caregiver in the relationship, the one “who takes care” of others.
  5. You find yourself trying to control outcomes versus letting them unfold.
  6. You give from a place of obligation or lack versus the desire to give because it brings you joy.
  7. You feel trapped or suffocated or unheard in a relationship.
  8. You feel your happiness or success is dependent on other people’s actions.
  9. You are dependent on others for love.
  10. You are waiting for other people to help you, save you, or take care of you.

If you find yourself subscribing to any of the co-dependent beliefs above, the fastest way out is to ask yourself:

  • What do you really want or need?
  • How can you give it to yourself or think about the action steps you can take to make it happen?
  • Asking people for help, without blame, is a great way to get started.
  • And setting boundaries around what you want and don’t is key here!

If you can’t shake your frustration, anger or upset to think about what you want or how to get it, try my favorite Chakra Capacity Expanding Exercise; it will help you get in touch with your power and purpose!

Onward and upward with love, freedom, and power!

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4 Replies to “How to Free Yourself from Codependency”

  1. Thank you! Just what I needed to feel grounded. Love the affirmations. I’m glowing with positive energy.

    1. That is so wonderful, Donna!!!! Sending so much positivity your way! <3

  2. Desiree Elderkin says: Reply

    Absolutely beautiful practice and feel rejuvenated after doing so. Thank you Lara!

    1. I am SO glad to hear that it helped;)

      Much love,
      Lara

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lara riggio

Lara Riggio is an Energy Intuitive. Her videos, classes, and sessions have helped tens of thousands discover and heal the mind/body, ancestral, and past life blocks which sabotage health and happiness. She is based in New York City, and works out of her Central Park Energy Center in Columbus Circle.