This was a question I asked all my coaching groups because of my own recent reaction to a mishap.
When I couldn’t figure out why this thing went wrong, I found myself obsessively questioning myself, plaguing myself with this questioning…
What did I do to cause this?
What did I do wrong?
While asking this question once can be enlightening and sometimes teach you a valuable lesson, continuing to obsess about it isn’t helpful.
I realized this was a pattern from childhood–when something went wrong in our house and mom or dad was frustrated, I tried to help and figure out what I did wrong.
In many cases, I couldn’t understand why they were so upset.
As a kid, I didn’t understand their adult pressures or their intense emotions.
So if I can’t understand when something goes wrong now, especially if someone else is upset, obsessive questioning is where I go.
Can you relate?
I asked the same question of some of the people in my coaching groups and got similar answers.
I wanted to shine a light on this for you, so you could pay more attention to what you are subconsciously saying to yourself when things go wrong and help you flip your script to a more supportive and positive one.
In the video below, there is a quick exercise to help you retrain your reaction when things go wrong to help you give yourself the support you wanted and needed as a child, that you deserve now.
It is my hope that by doing this exercise a few times, you will have a more supportive script in your head the next time anything goes wrong.
So much love,
2 Replies to “What Do You Do When Things Go Wrong?”
Thank you so much for this Lara. I recently found out from working with my counselor that my tendency to go into fear and anxiety when ever there was a misunderstanding or conflict with my boyfriend was coming from me at 4 years old. My parents would get in a fight, yelling and screaming and my sister and I would hide under the bed. My dad would say he was leaving and start throwing things in a suitcase, I would run out and grab his leg and beg him not to leave us with my mother who hit us. I realize now that it is a deep seated fear of abandonment. Now that I know this I can course correct and calm that fear. Your work has been extremely helpful in teaching me how to flip that script and redirect my energy.
I’m so glad this was helpful, Yvonne! These are some amazing insights. And I’m happy that you’re able to calm your habituated responses so you can move through conflict with more easy and grace 🙂