How to Tap Out Negative Thoughts and Focus Your Energy on What You Want Instead

Ever find yourself having a hard time shaking off worry and doubt?

Ever criticize yourself when things go wrong and have a hard time letting it go?

You are not alone.

This was the case with not one, but four of my clients last week:

• One gal was feeling unappreciated and abandoned by her co-workers. She was beating herself up, being hyper critical of herself when a project failed at work because one of her co-workers dropped the ball after she had emailed him repetitively asking him to provide their client needed information. She was taking this company set back personally and was feeling bad with these negative beliefs running through her brain:

“No one listens to me or appreciates my ability to manage.” 
“I am alone.”
“I have to do it all alone.”
“I can’t trust the help of others.”
“If I don’t do it, no one else will.”
“Everything always falls on my shoulders.”
“No matter how hard I try, I just can’t win.”
“Everything at work is always so hard.”

• Another client was feeling overtaken by self-doubt after receiving a first proposal for a site for her new business from a well-respected web designer. She was feeling anxious about the entire project because his first proposal was NOT aligned with her vision at all. She didn’t know how to express what she wanted, and she feared talking to him about it because she did not want to seem inexperienced.

“What if I come across like an inexperienced idiot?”
“What if I don’t know as much as I think I do about what this needs to look like?”
“I may be a decent business manager but what if I can’t pull this new business off? Maybe I am just not cut out to do this?”
“Am I worthy of starting this business?”

• Another client was overwhelmed with fear and guilt when she got three project requests from a friend’s company for whom she had worked before. She started having stomach issues the day she took initial calls about the two additional projects because she knew she wouldn’t have time to do all three simultaneously. But she was feeling like she couldn’t back out because she didn’t want to look bad or jeopardize her relationship with her friend.
  She was so anxious about it, she couldn’t stay out of the bathroom, clearly a physical sign something wasn’t right here. When I suggested turning down one of the projects siting the fact that she wouldn’t be able to do it justice because she couldn’t give it the time it deserved, she responded abruptly with:

“If I don’t do it, they will think less of me/be angry at me.”
“If I don’t do it, I will never get work from them again.”
“I can’t say, ‘No,’ my guilt and anxiety about it will be too overwhelming.” 
“I am just going to have to suck it up.”

Any of these resonate?

What limiting beliefs are you replaying in your own head?

When things go wrong it’s natural to feel upset. But it’s important to pay attention and to be aware of what you may be making upsetting feelings mean about both your future and your view of yourself. Upsetting feelings have a tendency to quickly morph into negative beliefs if you are not aware, as we saw in the cases above.

• In the first scenario, feeling upset about a company setback turned into a belief that could limit her from asking for or receiving help in the future from anyone.
• In the second scenario, self-doubt turned into crippling criticism that threatened her belief in herself and her ability to move forward.
• In the third scenario fear of rejection morphed into a belief that she couldn’t say “No” and protect her time, and this belief threatened both her emotional and physical well-being.

A belief is simply a certainty about the meaning of something you are feeling. The reason it can feel so certain is because it’s likely a story you are repeating from your parents or a story you have been telling yourself throughout your life to rationalize how you feel.

The important thing to know is that feelings can change! And once you accept how you feel, you can release upsetting feelings and see what they are trying to tell you about what you want instead.

Upset is access! You would change nothing if something was not bothering you!

Instead of allowing upsetting feelings to spiral into limiting beliefs, how about looking at upsetting feelings in a new way?! ——As signs that something in your life is not aligned with what you really want for yourself.

Instead of making it mean that you can’t and may never have what you want:

• Can you calm the upsetting feeling, with the exercise I show you in the video below,
• Get clear on what you want instead, and 
• Think about how you can take easy action to fulfill your desires? 

When you release the upsetting feelings associated with any situation, you can flip your internal script and give yourself the confidence and inspiration to move in a more positive direction.

When things go wrong, or upset you, Take a step back, and ask yourself:

1. What am I actually feeling here? And, why is this bothering me so much?
2. What do I want instead?
3. What would be the ideal outcome for me here?
4. How would I feel if that ideal outcome would occur?
5. How can I take the easiest step to work toward that outcome?

I know this is easier said than done when you are caught up in an intense whirlwind of feelings like panic, abandonment, overwhelm, anger, guilt or anxiety! And this is why I have provided a vital exercise for you in the video below. Download the Resource Worksheet to help you formulate your personalized tapping phrases, then do the video to help you lift yourself out of any negative spiral and upgrade both your mood and your mindset!

I used this very exercise last week to overcome overwhelm and get an astounding amount accomplished with surprising ease! So many things can get accomplished with way less angst and effort with these tools 😉 Try the exercise above and let me know how it works for you!

So much love!