How to Free Yourself from Codependency
Happy Independence Day!
What does independence mean to you? Self-Reliance? Freedom? Liberation?
The emotional pattern called co-dependency can rob you of your freedom, self-confidence, and make you feel trapped in a matter of minutes.
I witnessed it this past week. One of my clients has been making huge satisfying changes in her life as a result of doing this work, but this past week she fell back into an old pattern and made herself miserable.
Monday morning, she walked into the business she owns with her partner, with the intention of having a great and productive day, then all hell broke loose. She was immediately bombarded with a serious employee issue, two client issues that needed immediate attention, and her partner’s unwillingness to help.
She felt as if the world was against her and like she was the only one who cared about the business. One of the client issues was a result of her partner’s turning in paperwork late, while the other was the result of one of their staff’s oversight. She was cleaning up other people’s mistakes and feeling unappreciated and cheated. No one else wanted to take responsibility. In our session, she asked, why was she the one to always clean up the messes?!
My answer to her: Because she is the boss, one of the owners of the company. While she is ultimately responsible, she is also free to run the business as she desires and sees fit. Her level of responsibility begets her freedom. Then I asked, as the leader of her company what message did she want to send next?
When you blame anyone for anything, you give your power away. You become a victim. Your conversation is about what someone did to you versus what you want to do next to create the outcome you desire.
My client could spend precious energy blaming her partner or employees or begin to think about how to resolve the situation. So, we released her anger and frustration with an essential oil and my chakra clearing protocol, and she immediately was able to make a list of steps to create a solution.
Immediately, she was the boss again! She took her power back!
You can BE THE CHANGE you want to see happen, even if the problem you are facing isn’t your fault.
My client grew up in a codependent relationship with her mom, and when she is stressed, she has a habit of falling back into this pattern.
Codependency is seductive because for a lot of people, it feels like a familiar way to get your needs met. It can surface in business relationships, friendships and romantic partnerships.
In friendships and romantic partnerships codependency can feel like intense love for another, but “needing” that other person often stems from feelings of fear and lack.
Some warning signs that you may be in a codependent relationship or mindset are:
- You blame others for how you feel.
- You have expectations about how others should behave.
- You feel as though you can’t live or operate without the other person.
- You feel you are the caregiver in the relationship, the one “who takes care” of the other.
- You find yourself trying to control outcomes versus letting them unfold.
- You give from a place of obligation or lack versus the desire to give because it brings you joy.
- You feel trapped or suffocated or unheard in a relationship.
- You feel your happiness or success is dependent on the other person’s actions.
- You are dependent on the other person for love.
- You are waiting for the other person to help you, save you or take care of you.
If you find yourself subscribing to any one of the codependent beliefs above, the fastest way out is to ask yourself:
- What do you really want or need?
- How can you give it to yourself or think about the action steps you can take to get it or make it happen? Asking people for help, without blame, is a great way to to get started.
If you can’t shake your frustration, anger or upset to think about what you want or how to get it, try my favorite Chakra Capacity Expanding Exercise; it will help you get in touch with your power and purpose!
Onward and Upward with love, freedom and power!
*Featured image courtesy of sj liew